Timestamped Rendezvous
- Rachel Birnur
- Feb 7, 2020
- 8 min read
Updated: Jan 26, 2021
8 PM – Whiskey Neat
“I don’t usually do this. Blind dates, I mean” – I say to you as I twirl the spaghetti and meatballs on my plate with a fork.
“I don’t believe you. Is that another one of those lines that you use to woo men?” – You inquire with a smirk, as you sip on your whiskey neat. “And just to add to your lies, I always agree to go on dates with Maya’s best friends.”
“Really?” – I purse my lips.
“Yes, last time I went out with Sam, a friend of Maya’s, he did not put out, so I kissed him goodnight and never called him.” - you make a sad face.
I chuckle and almost spill my drink over. “I mean it. I haven’t been on a date since last January. I don’t know how Maya convinced me to go out on a date with her colleague. She has magical powers, I guess.” - I continue.
“Don’t we all?” – you smile gingerly and reckon me to finish my whiskey.
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10.00 PM – Mosaic and Smokes
I stand, leaning against the wall, two feet away from you on the curb near a tiny cigarette shop, waiting for you to light up a cigarette.
“So, why no dates in so long?” – You intensely blow smoke rings into the dim and grey sky.
“Broken hopes and dreams. Everything that I went through left me a little scarred and scared to step into the game again.”
“Life is full of broken dreams, doesn’t mean you stop living. You are too young to give up this easy” – you ash out your cigarette in the empty flower pot right next to the kiosk- “Fix your broken dreams before it is too late.”
“Easy for you to say” – I kick a pebble towards you
“It’s easy because we have all been there done that. Also, don’t believe in that crap that someone will swoop in someday, fix all your broken pieces and make you whole again.” – You kick the pebble back.
“Everyone I meet says that. But it is hard not to believe” – I kick it back at you again.
“You don’t need anyone to fix you. Fix your broken self on your own, build a mosaic-masterpiece and then let someone new in. They’ll learn to love the mosaic version of you.” – You kick the pebble on to the road.
“And what happens when that mosaic-masterpiece gets broken again?” – I squint at you.
“I don’t know. Maybe it gets broken further. But you’ll never really vanish, will you? You know, that matter is neither created nor destroyed?”
I laugh while following your smoke rings with my eyes. I watch them rise into the sky – ring after ring.
“Tell me something, when the mosaic pieces get broken further, do they turn into sparkles? Or just plain dust?” – you puff out a big smoke ring.
“I hope you are going somewhere with this.” – I say with a hint of annoyance.
“Maybe just dust. You become dust the next time someone breaks the mosaic you.” – I watch you stub the end of your cigarette on the wall that has “Love Sucks” written on it.
————–————–————–————–————–————–————–
12 AM – Cabin In The Woods
We lie on the bonnet of your car in a parking lot, under a grey and starry sky. I count the stars, squinting at all the tiny ones, while you blow puffs of smoke into the air. I love the way you smell like smokes and cologne. The combination somehow feels similar and yet distinct at the same.
‘I’m cold’, you flick your cigarette away from the car and shudder. You longingly look at the cosy pullover that I have spread over my legs.
‘Want my pullover?’ – I offer half-heartedly.
‘Yes!’ – You jump up like a kid and jerk the pullover from my grip and pull it over your head, making a complete mess of a perfectly styled hairdo.
‘It fits so perfectly. It’s a little tight around the bust but gives my breasts a nice shape’ – you say and snuggle onto the car bonnet again.
I snicker and go back to counting stars.
We laugh and laugh and laugh. We talk about music, lost love, and how banana walnut muffins are highly underrated.
You tell me you want to own a cabin in the woods someday where you’d like to hunt for rabbits.
‘Don’t kill rabbits. They are adorable’ – I nudge my elbow onto the side of your torso.
‘What are you most afraid of?’ – You ask and lie on your side tucking your arm under your head, staring right into my face.
I sigh. I come up with so many things to say, but I decide to point out the most obvious one. ‘Being vulnerable.’
‘Being vulnerable is good. It shows you a person’s true colours. – You switch your voice to a slow, raspy one.
‘How so?’ – I turn onto my side to face you and perch my head up in my palm.
‘If they can’t handle you when you’re the most vulnerable, they are no good to handle you at your strongest.’
‘Have you been vulnerable?’ I ask curiously.
‘Of course! This heart has been vulnerable one too many times.’ – You respond with a twinkle in your eye. Or is it just the city lights reflecting in your baby browns. I don’t know.
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2.00 PM – Maggi and Chai
We drive up to a nearby hillock, a little away from the city, that overlooks the entire town, cradled amidst the hills. The smell of freshly prepared Maggi wafts from a nearby kiosk with wisps of steam rising through the sky and making us hungrier than ever.
You bring over two plates of Maggi and Chai to the bench where I have comfortably settled down. The whole city is lit up in yellows, reds and whites like stars huddling together.
‘I still don’t understand why you’re so hesitant to go out on dates. This has been fun, hasn’t it?’ – you say while wolfing down some piping hot Maggi.
“It has always been about 32 30 34 for the guys I meet. Halfway through the conversation, they end up saying your place or mine. Why can’t it be a night where we talk our hearts out? Why can’t it be about getting to know each other?’
‘But not all guys are like the way you think. Some guys just want to get to know you, go on a few dates and then see where it goes’ – you gulp down your Chai.
‘Maybe. I mean you seem different for a change’ – I smile.
‘I’m just kidding. I’m all about the 32-30-34. – You wink.
“You are such an asshole.” – I turn away from you to watch a plane cross over our heads.
“Listen, you act as though a million guys have broken your heart. You have shut yourself out for no reason just because of a few assholes. And good things take time to cook, even Maggi. They just overcompensate by saying 2-minute Maggi and whatnot.”
“Can you blame me? It is who I am. I don’t take heartbreaks well.”
“Then you’re in for a big surprise when reality slaps your face.”
“Hold on, tell me this, how come you get to act so strong? Don’t you have a soft side?”
“Of course I do” – You snort.
“I haven’t heard any of your vulnerable stories so far.” – I say and lean forward.
‘Okay, I pretend to like Ryan Reynolds, but deep-down Ryan Gosling is my favourite Canadian. I use face masks twice a week to treat my dark circles, and I get my eyebrows and sideburns done. I love baking, and I can make fantastic banana walnut cupcakes. I have had 4 relationships in my past and out of which 2 of them have cheated on me.
“Oh, okay” – I take a deep breath.
“I know, right? Anyway, I want to quit smoking, but I think girls like the smell of cologne and smoke on me. My first instinct when I meet a girl is to not show her my true self, but it’s been a little different tonight. I have been on 16 dates this year, and this is the first time I have let someone sit on my car bonnet.”
“Is it a big deal?” – I finish the leftover Maggi on my plate.
“Always. And no, this is not a line I use on every girl because I love my car more than chicks.”
‘And fears? What are you most afraid of?”
“Heights. I have a fear of heights.”
I look at you in amusement and go back to sipping my tea.
————–————–————–————–————–————–————–
4.00 AM – Maya
We stand on the terrace of my apartment on the 13th floor, watching the sky turn from speckled grey to violet. It’s starting to get dewy and breezy.
I insist that we stand really close to the railing just so I can trigger your fear of heights.
‘I liked tonight’- I say, hopefully. You light up a cigarette and puff it very intensely.
‘So fun-fact, I’m leaving for Canada this Wednesday. I have enrolled in an 18-month Analytics program’ – you say placidly and blow out a deformed smoke ring.
‘Oh.’ I respond in a monotone. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know whether I should be affected by this or not. I try to say something, but I hesitate. You take a drag and empty out the smoke from your lungs with a huge sigh.
‘Why did you agree for this date?’ I ask and turn to look at you. The wind made my hair go from silky smooth to a chaotic mess in less than a second. You watch me frantically push my hair away from my face.
‘I thought maybe I’d hook up or something. Sam really left me heartbroken’- you grin.
I poke my elbow in your rib cage. I watch you laugh aggressively.
‘I don’t know why I agreed. I thought why not chill out a bit before officially setting off. Or maybe I wanted to add something beautiful to my night’ – you pump one of your eyebrows with a smirk on your face.
’Another one of your lines to pick girls up? – I roll my eyes.
‘Oh, definitely. And I always fly out to Canada after a date’- you reply with a laugh.
‘It’s a shame I can’t ask you for date number two next Saturday.’ – I say with a smile plastered on my face.
‘Canada or no Canada, this has been one of the most amazing dates I’ve had so far.’ – you say before stubbing the cigarette under your foot. You peek over the railing to look at the early morning joggers and waddling old uncles.
‘I thought you said you have a fear of heights’ – I question firmly.
‘I’m trying to get over my fear. You should try it too’ – you reply and tuck away a lock of stray hair behind my ear.
We look at each other and pause. It felt like you want to say something, but you don’t. It felt like you are going to lean in, but you look away. I watch you make a feeble attempt to look over the railing with one arm around me and the other gripping the railing tightly. I look down at the road and then up to find no visible stars in the sky.
‘What does the name Maya mean? – you ask and light up the last cigarette in the box.
I google it - ‘It means supernatural or magic’
‘Hmmm’ - you press my shoulder firmly and pull me closer and whisper – ‘Makes sense.’
————–————–————–————–————–————–————–
I’ve never seen you again after that night. I haven’t tried to contact you or get in touch and neither have you. I do look back and wonder if we could have been something if given a chance. But I love it the way the night was. Because you stayed. You stayed in my memory, as that one night of vulnerabilities, hopes of finding new love and 2 am Maggi noodles.
I’ve been on 7 dates after you, and I have still not met the right guy, because as you said – Guys are douchebags. But I haven’t given up because I know I’ll find the right one again, someday – drinking whiskey-neats, blowing smoke rings and making magic.
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